It's a Wonderful Neon Genesis Evangelion Life
by Slayer6
Summary: My entry in Ryoma's Christmas fiction contest, A guilt ridden Shinji is shown a world in which he never was born.


I don't own NGE, it is own by its respective company and creator.  
Story set up: End of Eva never happened.  
  
  
It's a Wonderful Neon Genesis Evangelion Life  
By  
Slayer  
  
Two beings, one male, one female, watched from afar.  
  
"You have read the file?" asked the male.  
  
"Yes sir, I have." replied the female.  
  
"Then you understand why I have given you this task. He must be shown that his life has meaning."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Then go."  
  
  
  
Night had fallen. Shinji Ikari sat dejectedly on the cliff, looking out over Tokyo-3. A cold wind blew over him, but he was so deep in thought, he took no notice. In his mind, the events of the past months went through his mind. The first thing that came to his mind was the attack of the 13th Angel. This event, Shinji determined, was the catalyst, the first event that caused his world to crumble around him. He had been forced watched in horror as his Eva crushed the entry plug of Eva 03, while his friend Touji was inside. It was followed shortly thereafter by the attack of the 14th Angel, in which he had been absorbed by his Eva. During the month he was inside the Eva, he had discovered that his mother was inside, and had been since that day so many years before when she had disappeared before his eyes.  
  
Then came the 15th Angel. His right hand began to clench as he once again remembered the feeling of helplessness he had experienced when his father refused to send him up to help Asuka. Asuka had not been the same afterward. She spent more and more time with Hikari, refusing to even acknowledge Shinji.  
  
Next came the 16th Angel. His feelings of helplessness increased as he remembered watching Unit-00 explode by Rei's hand in order to save him. His joy of finding out that she had survived was short lived, for He then discovered the cold hard truth about Rei. Then Asuka...... Shinji's sorrow increased as he thought about her and what she had tried to do. Then Kaworu came...and betrayed him, hurt him, just like everyone else. In the end he was forced to kill the only person who had ever said that he had loved him.  
  
That had only occurred 2 weeks ago. Since then he had seen very little of Misato. She always seemed to be busy with work. There was no one he could talk to. Kaji was gone, Kensuke had left the city, as had Hikari. Touji was in the hospital, but Shinji couldn't bring himself to see him. Asuka was in a coma, and the doctors had no idea when she would ever come out of it. Shinji had visited her several times in the last few weeks, but he had been unable to say a word to her. As the days progressed, Asuka had begun to look worse and worse. Watching the once energetic and beautiful girl degenerate had only increased Shinji's depression. Shinji had finally reached his lowest point when he had heard what the day was. December 24th. Christmas Eve. People all over the world would be with their family and friends. Shinji had no one. That is what led Shinji to this cliff.  
  
'All I do is hurt people.' He thought. 'Maybe the world is better off without me.'  
  
Shinji stood up and looked out toward the city. He had begun to climb over the railing when he heard a cry. He turned to see a woman holding on to the edge of the cliff farther down. She was looking about frantically for something to grab when she noticed him  
  
"Help me!" she cried.  
  
Shinji stared in shock for several seconds before moving over to where she was. He grabbed hold of the railing and then reached out to her.  
  
"Grab my hand." He said.  
  
She reached out with her other hand and grabbed hold. Pulling with all the strength he could muster, he slowly pulled her from death's grasp. Finally she was beside him on top of the cliff. Shinji fell back to the ground breathing heavily from the effort. Beside him the woman was also breathing heavily from her close call with death. He glanced over at her, seeing her face clearly for the first time. She was quite beautiful, with long brown hair. On her face were strange blue markings.  
  
"Thank you." She said when she had finally caught her breath.  
  
Shinji just nodded, "What are you doing here? How did you end up hanging from the cliff?"  
  
The women blushed, "Well, I was taking in the view of the city and I dropped my glove over the railing. I reached over to pick it up, and I guess I slipped. Luckily you were here and saved me."  
  
Shinji looked back to the city. All that kept running through his mind was why the city looked the way it did. 'Rei....' He then noticed the women trying to get his attention.  
  
"Hey, I asked you a question."  
  
'I'm sorry." said Shinji. "What did you ask?"  
  
The women smiled, "I asked what brought you up here?"  
  
Many thoughts went through Shinji's mind.  
  
'What do I say?' he thought. For some reason as he looked at her, he felt he could tell her the truth.  
  
"I was going to jump." he said quietly.  
  
The woman stared at him in surprise. "Why?"  
  
"Everything I do causes people pain." said Shinji, "Everyone would be better of if I didn't exist. I..I..I don't deserve to live."  
  
The woman looked at him questioningly. "Are you sure? Have you really thought about this? Are you sure that your life has no meaning to those around you?"  
  
Shinji stared at the woman. "I'm sure. No one cares about me. Not Misato or Asuka. Not even my own father." Shinji looked out towards the city. "I wish I had never been born."  
  
A soft blue glow filled the area. Shinji turned back and looked at the woman. She slowly floated above the ground, a blue aura surrounding her. There was a bright flash, and then she was standing on the ground next to him.  
  
"Your wish," she said quietly, "has been granted."  
  
Shinji stared at her for another second before he ran off towards the apartment. The woman quietly watched him run off before she slowly vanished.  
  
Shinji ran through the streets of Tokyo-3, his mind in turmoil.  
  
'What was she? What did she mean my wish was granted?' these thoughts went rapidly through Shinji's mind as he began to approach the apartment. Shinji suddenly stopped where he was and looked about. He had been so deep in thought that he had not noticed his surroundings. The buildings around him were all in various states of neglect. High above, a band of red cut across the sky, looking as if it encircled the earth. As he continued to walk to the apartment, the buildings began to look more and more dilapidated. Finally he reached his apartment. From this side the building appeared blackened. As he moved around towards the front, he saw that one whole section of the apartment had collapsed, as if something had fallen into it.   
  
'When did that happen?'  
  
Shinji slowly moved towards the building. Seeing that the elevator was most definitely out of service, Shinji walked up several flights of stars to his floor, the stairs creaking as he moved. He walked carefully to the front door. The name plate was barely readable. Shinji dug out the key and tried the lock. The door did not budge. Shinji placed his hands on it and force the door open. Moonlight filled the hallway beyond the door. Shinji walked inside.  
  
"Misato?" he called out.  
  
Shinji walked deeper into the apartment. Rounding the corner, he let out a gasp of shock. The ceiling above was gone, allowing the moon to light up the interior of the apartment. Debris from the ceiling and roof covered the floor before him. The object that had made the hole still remained. An Eva Progressive knife was buried to the hilt in the floor. Shinji walked slowly through the debris towards the bedrooms. As he moved through the apartment, he saw cans of beer and empty take-out cartons amongst the plaster and roof beams.  
  
'It looks like..when I first moved in.' he thought,' but how?'  
  
Shinji walked inside the room that was his. Nothing. No bed, no desk, nothing that showed that he had ever been there. Shinji quickly walked across the hall and opened the door to Asuka's room. Nothing. Shinji practically ran down the hall the Misato's room. There he found a bed, littered with debris from the ceiling and roof. Mixed in on the floor were more beer cans and take out boxes. Shinji left the room and went into the kitchen. Finding the table and some chairs still standing, he sat down.  
  
'What happened? I didn't hear the angel sirens.' He continued to look about the kitchen. 'How long was I up there?'  
  
Shinji's eyes then fell on the calendar against the wall. Shinji walked over and wiped some of the dust from it. He stared in shock at the date.  
  
'But...That is 3 months ago! How can this be?'  
  
"Because you were never born." came a voice. Shinji turned to see the woman from the cliff sitting at the table. "You never came to Tokyo-3, and you never piloted Eva."  
  
"Who are you?" asked Shinji. "Where are you from?"  
  
The woman smiled. "I'm a friend, Shinji. As to where I'm from." The woman pointed up towards the ceiling. Shinji slowly looked upwards towards the ceiling. Suddenly it dawned on him what she meant. His eyes went wide as he stared at her.  
  
"Your and Angel?"  
  
"No." the woman replied, "They were only to test mankind. That test has ended, and man past." She looked at Shinji with a small smile. "I am here for you."  
  
Shinji thought about that for a second. He then looked back up. "What did you mean 'I never piloted Eva.'?"  
  
"Your wish," she replied. "You wished that you had never been born. This is that world. A world in which you were never born, and never piloted Eva.  
  
"But I did!" Shinji shouted. "I did pilot Eva! And because I did, Touji's sister got hurt, and then Touji was almost killed by me."  
  
"No." the women replied quietly. "You never did those things."  
  
"But I did! I did!" Shinji turned and ran out of the kitchen.  
  
The woman watched as Shinji left the apartment.  
  
"You do not understand." She said sadly before she vanished.  
  
Shinji ran through the city, the moon and the red band casting an eerie glow, lighting his way. As he ran he looked at the destruction about him dodging destroyed cars and fallen buildings. He finally stopped at a street corner to get his bearings.  
  
'The Geofront should be...' Shinji looked about for a second and then looked in a direction, 'that way.' Shinji ran through the debris littered streets towards the Geofront. Finally he arrived at the main entrance. He walked up to the gate and swiped his card. The door did not budge. Shinji tried again. Still getting no reaction, Shinji looked at the card reader.  
  
"No power." He muttered.  
  
Shinji immediately headed towards the emergency stairs. He quietly ran down the many flights of stairs, finally entering the dark Geofront. He stopped dead in his tracks at what he saw. High above, a massive Angel sized hole had been blasted into the Geofront. Moonlight came down in a single shaft of light. Standing within this light, in a cruel parody of the 15th Angel's attack was Unit-02. It stood in the middle of the Geofront, but it did not have any arms or a head. Shinji stared for a long time at the Eva.  
  
'Asuka?'  
  
Shinji began to move closer to the Eva. As he his eyes got used to the darkness of the Geofront, other features began to come into view. First, arrayed on the ground around Unit-02 were weapons, lots and lots of weapons. It reminded Shinji of when the 14th had attacked. Nearby, the back plate that usually covered the entry plug lay on the ground, indicating that Asuka had been ejected. He had almost reached Unit-02 when he noticed another shape in the gloom. Since there was no reason to check on Unit-02, Shinji headed towards the new shape. He soon recognized the shape as another Eva. This one was smashed and partially buried against the side wall of the Geofront. In its chest area was a massive wound, exposing the Evas innards, including a shattered entry plug. At first Shinji did not recognize it, but as he got closer, he was able to make out the Evas color. It was blue.  
  
'Rei?'  
  
Shinji turned away from the Eva. As he did so, he another shape. Through the gloom, the unmistakable outline of the NERV pyramid arose in the distance. Shinji began to walk quickly towards it. As he approached, he was surprised to see lights flickering inside. Arriving at the entrance, Shinji entered the pyramid. He almost ran out right back out. Laying in the corridors, lit up by the emergency lighting were the bodies of NERV personal, all looking as if they had been dead for a while. Shinji summoned up what courage he had and ran through the corridors, trying hard not to look at the corpses empty gazes. Shinji finally reached his destination. Central Dogma. The control area looked as if it had been scorched. Shinji saw a massive hole where the main screen had once been. He walked slowly to where the command crew would man their stations. Now, corpses manned those stations. Shinji was about to turn and leave when he noticed something familiar about one of the corpses laying on the floor. Shinji slowly approached the corpse. As he moved closer, he finally realized what he had seen. The corpse was wearing a red NERV jacket with Major insignia on the collar.  
  
"MISATO!" Shinji cried. He fell to his knees as stared at his now dead guardian. After sitting there, staring at her for several minutes, he could bear to look at her no more. He walked over and grabbed a fire blanket and laid it over her. Shinji then sat and stared at the now blanketed form.  
  
'This has to be a dream, this has to be a dream.' The thought went through Shinji's mind over and over.  
  
"But it's not a dream," came a voice, "it did happen."  
  
Shinji turned to see the woman sitting against one of the consoles. Shinji walked up to her.  
  
"What happened here?"  
  
"As I said before, what you see is a result of your wish." replied the woman. "This is what the world would be like if you were not born."  
  
"But...how? I mean Rei and Asuka..."  
  
The woman waved her hand. One of the monitors next to her came to life. An image of the 3rd Angel appeared. As the woman spoke, more images appeared, giving Shinji an image of what took place.  
  
"Rei went out and fought the 3rd Angel in Unit 01. Because of her injured state, she was not able to pilot well. While the Angel was eventually defeated, there were casualties. One of them being Touji Suzuhara's sister."  
  
Shinji stared at the woman. "But...She was only injured when I piloted! She was still alive!"  
  
"But you never piloted it Shinji, Rei did. Shortly after, Suzuhara was chosen as the third child, assigned to pilot Unit 01.He fought and successfully killed the 4th Angel. But there was one casualty. During the battle, the Eva was knocked into a hillside, killing a boy who should have been in a shelter."  
  
"Who was the boy?" Shinji asked quietly.  
  
"Kensuke Aida."  
  
Shinji closed his eyes in pain. "This isn't right."  
  
The woman continued to speak. "The came the 5th Angel. Rei and Touji working together were able to destroy it, however Rei was severely injured during the battle. Time was lost trying to get her out of the Eva and she nearly died."  
  
"But Touji could have...."  
  
"Touji blamed Rei for his sister. He refused to help her. Then the 6th attacked Unit-02 while it was enroute here."  
  
Shinji closed his eyes, expecting the worse. "What happened to Asuka."  
  
"Nothing." Shinji opened his eyes and looked at the woman. "She single handedly defeated the 6th Angel."  
  
Shinji let out a sigh of relief. That relief was short lived.  
  
"Then the 7th Angel attacked. The Evas were defeated quickly after the angel split. Initially Touji and Asuka were to undergo synchronization training. However, as the result of personality conflicts, Asuka was teamed up with Rei. Together, they successfully defeated the Angel. Then came the 8th Angel."  
  
Once again, the feeling of dread began to stir inside Shinji.  
  
"Unit 02 was chosen to enter the volcano, with Unit 01 as back-up. After Unit 02 defeated the angel. Unit 02 was nearly lost in the volcano. Only quick thinking on Asuka's part saved her. She grabbed the coolant line before it broke. The rest of the Angel attacks went occurred just like you think the did, only with Touji in your place. Until the 13th attacked. Unit-03 was taken over by an Angel as activation tests with the fourth child were underway. Unit 02 and 00 were eliminated quickly, leaving only Unit 01. Touji successfully destroyed the Angel, badly damaging the plug in the process, the fourth child did not survive.  
  
"Who was it?" asked Shinji. "Who was the fourth child?"  
  
The woman looked at him for what seemed an eternity before answering. "Hikari Horaki."  
  
"Oh no....."  
  
"Yes. After finding out about the fourth child's identity, Suzuhara went, I believe the phrase is, 'ballistic'. He tried to kill the Commander, but he was stopped before he before he could do so. Suzuhara was then sent away, never to pilot again."  
  
"But what happened here?" asked Shinji, motioning around him. "What caused this?"  
  
"The 14th."  
  
"But I defeated the..." Shinji's voice trailed off, "I wasn't here.." he finished quietly.  
  
"Now your beginning to understand." said the woman, "The battle against the 14th began on the surface with the defensive batteries firing on it. Not many were remaining as much of the city had been destroyed in previous attacks. The 14th entered the Geofront. Unit 02 fought against it and was defeated. Asuka was ejected and was brought back here. While this was happening, Unit 00 attacked the Angel but she was.."  
  
"Defeated." said Shinji.  
  
"No. She was killed. She tried to force an N2 mine against the Angels core. As soon as she had reached the Angel, it sent one of its arms right through the entry plug. The explosion form the mine blasted Unit 00 against the sidewall. The Angel then entered Central Dogma, " the woman raised her hand and indicated the room around them. "It killed everyone here with one blast. It then proceeded to Terminal Dogma in search of Adam, the first Angel. Asuka went after it in Unit 01. She arrived in Terminal Dogma at the same time as the Angel. They fought for sometime, smashing and exposing many of the labs that were located down there. It was during the fight, that the Angel found Adam in one of those labs, and absorbed him, initiating Third Impact."  
  
Shinji stared back down at the blanketed form, "So we lost.....Everyone died."  
  
"Not quite."  
  
Shinji looked up at the woman questioningly.  
  
"One person survived." She motioned to the monitor. On it was the image of Unit-01. Its back opened and the plug was ejected. The hatch opened, revealing a red hair girl in a plug suit. Shinji stared at the image.  
  
"Asuka!"  
  
The woman nodded, "Because she was in an Eva, Asuka survived Third Impact."  
  
Shinji's eyes widened. "Asuka survived?! Where? Where is she?"  
  
The woman shook her head, "I don't think....."  
  
Shinji grabbed the woman and shook her, "Tell me where Asuka is!"  
  
"Pilot's locker room."  
  
Shinji released the woman and ran towards the locker room. The woman watched him go.  
  
"You will not like what you will find." the woman said to the now vacant spot where Shinji once stood.  
  
Shinji raced through the corridors, dodging corpses and other debris. Finally he could see the locker room door just ahead of him.  
  
"ASUKA!!" he shouted, the distance between him and the door rapidly closed. "ASUKA! I'M COMING!!"  
  
Shinji reached the door and flung it open, "ASUKA I'm......here..." Shinji just stared into the locker room in shock. Shinji fell back to the floor staring at the sight before him. This is the way the woman found him when she finally arrived. Shinji knew she was there, but he could not bring his eyes away from what lay beyond the door.  
  
"Why?" was all he asked.  
  
"She had no idea that Third Impact had happened." the woman said quietly, "She thought she had destroyed the Angel. When she was unable to reach anyone by radio, she began to head back towards Central Dogma. Due to the damage, it took her 2 days. When she finally arrived, she learned the truth of what had happened. Now she faced her greatest fear, the fear of being alone. She went around the entire facility looking for someone, anyone. After 3 days of running about the Geofront, she could no longer stand the loneliness. She began to hallucinate, hearing her mother's voice calling out to her. Finally, she decided to join her mother." The woman indicated the hanging form in the locker room. "In death."  
  
Shinji continued to stare at what had once been Asuka.  
  
"It wasn't supposed to be like this." said Shinji, "This can't have happened. Not to her. Not to her."  
  
"But it did happen. You were never there to prevent it. Because you were never born."  
  
"NO!!" shouted Shinji has he ran from the door. "NO!!"  
  
Shinji ran from the Geofront. He did not stop until he had reached the cliff, overlooking the city. He ran straight to the railing, grabbing it and holding on to it as he stood there, staring at the remains of Tokyo-3.  
  
"I didn't want it this way. Everyone was supposed to be alright without me."  
  
"You had an impact on these people." came the woman's voice. "They cared for you." Shinji looked around, but he could not see her.  
  
"No....Nobody cared..."  
  
"Then why did Misato come after you at the train station? Why did Rei sacrifice her life for you? And why would Asuka continue to talk to you, be around you, if you annoyed her so? They cared in their own ways."  
  
"How could they? I'm dishonest...I'm a coward..."  
  
"Would a coward have let an injured girl pilot in his place? Would a coward have jumped into a volcano without protection to save someone who had belittled him? Would a coward have come back to save his two friends?"  
  
Shinji stared at the city. "But I hurt people..."  
  
"Through no fault of your own. You were not in control of the Eva when Suzuhara's sister was injured. You were not in control when the dummy plug injured Suzuhara. You were prevented from helping Asuka when she was under attack. Then after...."  
  
"She sent me away..."  
  
"She is like you. You both don't want to be hurt. You run away from people, because you think it will keep you from getting hurt. She drives people away thinking it will keep her from getting hurt. Yet, you both failed."  
  
Shinji thought about this before he spoke. "She drove everyone away, and in the end, she hurt herself. I ran away, thinking that I wouldn't get hurt..." images of what he had seen in the Geofront and what had he had been told had happened flashed through his head. Foremost in his mind was the image of Asuka in the locker room. "..and I still was." Shinji looked around trying to find the woman. "Can....Can it go back? To the way it was?"  
  
Silence met his request.  
  
"Answer me! Can it go back to the way it was?!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"DAMMIT Answer me!! I want it to go back the way it was! I want to live!" Shinji's head fell against the railing. "I want to live..." he said quietly.  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
Shinji lifted his head and turned towards the sound of the voice. Standing just yards away was Misato.  
  
"Shinji? What are you doing out here?" Misato asked, "I've been worried about you. I had no idea where yo...." Misato fell back to the ground as Shinji flew at her and wrapped her up in a hug. Misato stared at Shinji surprised before she wrapped her arms around him.  
  
"I'm sorry Misato....I'm sorry." Shinji cried over and over.  
  
Misato was confused. "For what Shinji?"  
  
"For thinking you didn't care about me. For not being there for you when Kaji...."  
  
Misato felt a tug at her heart when Shinji mentioned Kaji's name. Shinji felt Misato react to Kaji's name. He held her a bit tighter. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's alright Shinji." said Misato quietly. "I forgive you." She hugged Shinji back. After several minutes of sitting there, Shinji finally let go and helped Misato up. Then arm in arm, they walked towards her car.  
  
"Misato?"  
  
"Yes Shinji?"  
  
"You once said, you thought of us as a family."  
  
Misato looked at Shinji. "Yes, and I still do."  
  
"Can we go see.....I mean, she is a part of our family....and it's Christmas eve."  
  
Misato smiled. "Of course she is. It's late, but I think I can get you in."  
  
  
Later, Shinji walked into the hospital room while Misato waited outside. He walked slowly up to the bed and looked down at the girl who laid there. He turned around a pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down. He then reached out and grasped her hand in his and for the first time since Asuka had gone into a coma, he spoke to her.  
  
"Hello, Asuka. I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you before. I had some issues that I had to work out." Shinji looked at the girl. "Asuka, I miss you. It's not the same without you around. I wish..." Shinji let out a sigh. " I wish I had been able to get out and help you. I wanted to....But the commander" his voice was full of hatred as he said that word, "wouldn't let me. Afterward, I shouldn't have left you sitting there. I should have been there for you. But...I ran away." Shinji seemed to straighten up a bit. "Asuka, I'm not going to run away anymore. I...I want be there for you. You don't have to be alone. Asuka, I care about you..." Shinji stood up and leaned over her, placing a kiss on her cheek. "Fröhliches Weihnachten, Asuka. (Merry Christmas, Asuka) Wake up soon." Shinji started to turn to leave when he felt Asuka's hand tighten. He turned around to see two blue eyes staring back at him. Tears began to fall from her eyes.  
  
"Asuka?"  
  
"Baka Shinji" said Asuka, tears still falling from her eyes.  
  
Shinji grabbed Asuka in a hug. Slowly, Asuka returned the embrace.  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
Shinji moved back slightly and looked at her. "Yes Asuka?"  
  
A small smile appeared on her face. "Merry Christmas Baka."  
  
Misato watched the 2 from the doorway. Tears were rolling down her face as she had heard everything that had been said. Finally she could stand it no more and ran to the two children, HER children and wrapped them up in a hug. Shinji happened to glance up to notice a face in the mirror. It was the woman. She gave him a smile and then vanished. Shinji smiled back to her.  
  
'Thank-you, whoever you are.'  
  
He then turned back to his family, and proceeded to enjoy one of the best Christmases that he had ever had.  
  
  
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Thanks to Flimmeren for prereading.  
  
This was the second version, the first being lost when my computer crashed and the backup became unusable. 


End file.
